A Mother's Love Story

(Ed. Note: After morning to New Jersey with their biological daughter, Wendy, this couple applied to the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS) to become foster parents. After taking care of some teenage girls for a while, two brothers, ages 10 and 11, were placed with them.)

The girls we had as foster children were a real challenge, but these two boys...... They were bound and determined to break us! Wendy wanted us to take them back..... "this is not fun any longer."

I remember the older boy (Chuck) telling me that he only had one more love to give. Once it was gone, he would run out of loves. What a responsibility for foster parents! Could we actually help these children or would they be ordered back to their hideous past? One night while I was talking with Chuck, because he was afraid to go to sleep, he described his life as a puzzle with all of the pieces missing. Poor Chuck was so depressed and talked about suicide often. When we asked his case worker how to help Chuck with his depression she told us not to worry, most children do not actually (kill themselves). We knew Chuck was a high risk child. We immediately contacted his school for help. The school, my husband and I worked together always to keep Chuck within an adult's care at all time. We were to take Chuck to school every morning and pick him up every afternoon. We were never to leave him unattended. Chuck is now able to control his depression and has become a loving member of our family.

Finally, Chuck told me that his puzzle was all put back together accept for one puzzle piece, and that was his mother's puzzle piece. Chuck told me he had two puzzle pieces for that part of the puzzle and he didn't know which piece to put in. One piece fit perfectly and the other piece had to be cut to fit in. Week by week, months turning into years, we worked together on his puzzle, through hours of therapy and nights of talking. Finally he told me he had his puzzle together. Oh, what pleasure it was working, with Chuck while he put the pieces of his life back together!

The younger brother (Eddie) had tremendous problems with his temper. He wanted to control everything at our house, what we did, what we talked about...etc. Eddie had to be the center of attention. Eddie's anger was so out of control that we could not even take him to get clothes. He would start throwing clothes in the stores and knocking down displays when we would not buy him what he wanted. At home, Eddie would break things, hit people and generally lose control of himself when he did not want to do something that we asked him to do. After Eddie would lose control of himself he would hold onto me and cry and cry until there didn't seem to be any tears left. He would always apologize and be very sorry, but he seemed unable to ever control his emotions. Eddie once punched out his baseball coach; teachers were also fair game. Eddie and I talked and talked but he just could not tell me what all of his anger was about. He once told me that if he let out all of his anger, he would trash our house.

After 18 months at our home, because of his size, Eddie started overpowering me and knocking me down. We all knew something had to give! We had already taken him to several therapists. One behavior psychologist said Eddie had a behavior dysfunction and was too old ever to change. After working with an art therapist for about four months, we were told Eddie showed extreme anger (thanks for the wasted four months). All of the so called experts we took Eddie to told me to get rid of him, he was beyond help.....he would only take the whole family down with him.

Chuck kept insisting that he and Eddie came to us as a package and you don't break up packages! Chuck told me he and his brother were like a baseball and a bat....one was no good without the other. So, we just kept loving Eddie and being there for him. We could think of no other alternatives for the entire family. How could anyone give up on one of their children? How could we even think of separating Chuck and Eddie?

Eddie seemed to get angry when we treated him good or showed any affection toward him. Eddie just kept telling me that I didn't really love him, I loved someone he pretended to be..... If I really knew him, I would hate him, just like everyone else did. Over and over again I would tell him that no matter what he told me about himself I would still love him.....there wasn't anything he could tell me that would make me love him less. After each physical confrontation, Eddie would just cry and cry in my arms. When we would tell him he had to start gaining control of himself, he always shot back "Why, other people treat me this way, why do I have to be different?"

Finally, Eddie started telling me about his past....a little here......a little there. Eddie put names or nicknames to over a dozen people who sexually, physically and emotionally abused him and his brother. Over a dozen people who took advantage of these little boys, including their own mother and father! I told the boys case worker and she did nothing about the abuse nor did she help me with the boys. I then went into the DYFS office and told both the case worker and her supervisor. Still, nothing was done!

Eddie continued to lose control of himself. It seemed to be great finally to get the truth out, but it still wasn't enough. The entire family was haunted by what Eddie had revealed, but what could we do to help? No one seemed to care enough to help us with Eddie.

Finally, after months and months of sleepless nights and suffering from emotional exhaustion, I wondered into the county prosecutors office. I told Eddie's story to one of the detectives and he agreed to speak with Eddie. Eddie told the detectives what had happened to him, and they believed him! Within a couple of days, some of the people were identified and as many people as they could find were arrested. The people involved included the mailman, the superintendent and workers at Eddie's apartment complex, and of course his parents and their friends. It then took 1 1/2 years for the trials. All the individuals arrested were convicted and sent to jail with Eddie's testimony. We lived for 1 1/2 years with death threats, strange men sexually and physically harassing our entire family. Several bolts were even sheared off the wheels of our family van. Chuck can still not talk much about his abuse. But this all seemed to be what Eddie needed, someone to trust, someone to believe him, someone to stand by him and someone to love him no matter what had happened to him. It was then and only then that we saw Eddie make the turn around we had prayed so long for.

During the first year and a half that Eddie and Chuck were with us, I cried myself to sleep every night. I prayed for just one more day to work with these boys, for just one more day that our whole family could remain together. I can't possibly imagine anything tougher on a marriage then going through what we went through. However, because it all. I know we are stronger and much more sure of each other. We have all found an inner strength that most people don't know they have.

We are still working with Eddie and Chuck to help them heal. What pleasure it is to see them laugh and play. How great it is to see Chuck have enough confidence in us to sass us like a normal 15 year old! How wonderful it is to see Eddie smile and do mischievous deeds, just to chuckle when he gets caught! How wonderful it is to see Wendy with her two brothers!

(Ed. Note: This family has adopted Chuck and Eddie.)